


Words of wisdom

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Canon Compliant, Ferdinand makes bad decisions, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Public Masturbation, Voice Kink, War Meetings, kind of an ASMR kink really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:34:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25723651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ferdinand is in love with Hubert. On some days, this fact doesn't change anything; he still follows the same morning routine, practices his usual training drills with his lance...And then there's days like today, when he is so overwhelmed by his emotions that he decides it's a good idea to whip his dick out in the middle of a war meeting and masturbate to the sound of Hubert's voice.Because that's what people do under the influence of love.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70





	Words of wisdom

**Author's Note:**

> [PLEASE CHECK OUT THE PICTURE THAT INSPIRED THIS!!!](https://twitter.com/gladdybug/status/1290799414005702656)
> 
> Thank you SO much to Gladdybug for bringing this concept to life. It's so stupid, but I just couldn't resist it. I didn't have the heart to tag it as such but this is kinda sorta a crack fic, so just relax and enjoy like Ferdinand is enjoying himself.
> 
> Thanks to SIGF for betaing this for me at 12AM you are a saint.

Ferdinand is in love with Hubert. On some days, this fact doesn't change anything; he still follows the same morning routine, practices his usual training drills with his lance, and sometimes, he even gets to fight for Her Majesty's cause, uncertain if he'll ever have another chance. The war is far from over; he sometimes even _forgets_ he has deep, complicated feelings for the Emperor's shadow.

And then there are days like today when he is so overwhelmed by his emotions that he decides it's a good idea to whip his dick out in the middle of a war meeting and masturbate to the sound of Hubert's voice. 

Because that's what people do under the influence of love.

Truthfully, if you asked Ferdinand, who is in no way going senile, why he thought this was a good idea, he wouldn't be able to give you a proper response - or one at all, even. For the past few days, he's been feeling rather strange; if he had to describe it, he'd call himself _overly sensitive_ to everything: his surroundings, the way his clothes fit his body, Hubert being… well, _Hubert,_ and doing all of the things that make him who he is - like standing in a corner of the room, pondering who knows what. And because of this, when Hubert unexpectedly took a seat next to him in the war council today and began to speak, whatever he was saying turned into just the right amount of stimulation to get him to tent in his pants... and as much as he tried to ignore it, he caved in and dug his hand into them.

 _What a shameful act for a noble,_ one might say, but Ferdinand would argue that he has never been so _ignoble_ before, so he may as well revel in his status. Though he often claims that despite his loss of titles, he will never lose his noble heart, but… let's just say today he's on a bit of a vacation, and for this meeting alone, he doesn't miss it.

"It'd be best for the cavalry to be in the rear… we can't know what type of enemies they will throw at us in Myrddin but well, those on horseback never have a problem catching up to those on foot." Ah, yes, wonderfully put, Hubert. If Ferdinand hadn't squeezed his dick under the table at that moment, he might've verbally agreed with you. 

"I see… Let's not forget about the ballista that the bridge has, though. I would prefer it if the enemy didn't capture it." Ferdinand fought back a whine. Yes, Her Majesty is great, but she was not who he wanted to hear. At the same time, this _does_ give Hubert further reason to speak, which he took without a second thought. 

"Perhaps we should deploy a smaller squadron to the north of the main group, Your Majesty." The way that Hubert enunciated each word of that sentence… Goddess, Ferdinand and his cock hoped that he never stops suggesting ideas to consider. _Please._

"A smaller group… that may not be a bad idea." 

"It should be formed by those who can move swiftly. Fliers won't be any good unless they have something to protect themselves with, and mages are too slow… We have enough paladins, I suggest we locate the likes of Lorenz and his battalion there. Perhaps Dorothea as well; with the Caduceus Staff, she does not have to worry about her magic range as much as our other spellcasters. And her meteor spell is quite useful. She is also rather frail; I doubt she would be of any use in the front lines."

"Gee, _thanks,_ Hubie." Yes, thank you, Hubert, for going on and on about this smaller squadron and letting Ferdinand take a long stroke as you spoke about battalions, releasing it by the time you mentioned Caduceus, and choke back another moan when you put on that mocking voice of yours towards the end of your little speech. How has no one noticed, he wonders?

"I am merely looking out for your safety, Dorothea." The voice was already good enough, but when Ferdinand turned his head to look at him, he was blessed with the sight of one of those hypocritical smiles that Hubert was fond of, the same he had been on the receiving end of on for many years. 

"Ah-" he grew so distracted that he let out a sound. It wasn't obvious, but suspicious enough that Hubert interrupted what he was doing to spare a glance at Ferdinand. He raised an eyebrow at him, but Ferdinand only shook his head and looked away, hoping that the interaction would end swiftly. Thankfully it did, so he was able to release a sigh of relief…

...and stroke his cock faster as the realization that he almost got caught sank into his body, spreading through his veins like a wildfire. Perhaps he should let his voice out a little more so the Count would catch on and see him debase himself like this in front of everyone else. Would he think less of him? Or… would he encourage it?

"Very well. Lorenz and Dorothea will go to the north, along with… Caspar and Mercedes." 

"You can rely on me," The sweet voice of Mercedes rung out then, which was almost sweet enough to kill Ferdinand's boner. He liked her, truly, but she was the exact opposite of what he needed. "I shall do my best to keep you all safe." 

"That leaves me with the main squadron? How tiresome…" If it's really that tiresome, Ferdinand would like to cordially ask you to stop talking, Linhardt.

"We should try to have at least one of our fliers on the front lines." Oh, Lysithea, is it truly your turn to speak? "Perhaps they can flank the sides of the bridge and do hit and runs while approaching the opposing commander by placing themselves in unreachable terrain.."

"Any volunteers?" Edelgard _again?_ Why has the object of his affections grown silent? 

"I'll do it, Your Majesty. You can leave it to me." Ingrid's clear voice came next, and at this point, Ferdinand was honestly starting to grow a tad soft. His hand had even stopped moving without him realizing. 

He needs more, _much_ more.

"Uhm… what… do you think I should do, Hubert?" Ferdinand was well aware of how uncharacteristic that question was of him. He, who was always sure of what to do, who had to be talked _out_ of things, asking _Hubert_ what he should do? Well, if he wanted everyone's eyes on him, this was the perfect way to achieve that, because he just did. 

"Am I hearing things, Ferdinand? Are you asking _me_ for guidance?" Oh, this is bad. He barely said anything, and Ferdinand already felt the adrenaline flowing right back into his body, as if it had never left. And suddenly, he gripped himself a little too tightly, which made him visibly flinch. 

"W-Well yes, I am. I would like to… know your opinion, for once. Perhaps you have become a better advisor while I was not looking." 

"Hah." Yes, please, laugh at him. "What a feeble attempt at provocation. I'm afraid you've lost your touch… or well, what little you have of it.” As his grip on his cock tightened, Ferdinand was tempted to assure Hubert that nothing had been lost - that he was, certainly, _still_ touching it. “Are you trying to make a fool out of yourself?" No, he's trying to get himself off, and believe him, he is doing _quite_ the job.

"Fine then, since you are so hellbent on being _useless_ even when addressed directly, I suppose I will just lead the vanguard." This should suffice. A suggestion so imbecilic and so against everything he said, it would make his blood boil. And judging by the scowl in Hubert's face, it worked. 

"Have you gone _insane?_ Or perhaps you were off in your noble mind and not here, _listening_ to what's being said. _Cavalry_ is supposed to stay _in the rear,_ Ferdinand. And last time I checked, you still ride one of those beasts." Ferdinand would _love_ to show you just how well he rides if you'd let him. He had to hold back a whine while he thumbed on the tip of his dick, already making himself shiver. 

"Y-Yeah? Well… I can handle myself just fine. A-And regardless!" His voice was faltering. Damn. "You are all well aware of how adept I am in avoiding the enemy’s attacks! I can charge forward, serve as bait! Or do a hit and run myself! Please, you are just wasting my talents by leaving me in the back!" 

"Your so-called 'talents' would also be wasted if you wound up _dead_." Ferdinand may as well drop dead now; the poison and sarcasm that dripped off each word in that sentence made him squirm. It was too noticeable; Hubert's scowl was replaced with a look of genuine concern.

"Ferdinand? Is something… wrong with you?" 

"I-I-" can't stop masturbating to everything you say. My hand keeps moving on its own, faster, harder, and I can hardly concentrate; I am this close to seeing stars and dirtying myself in front of everyone, but more importantly, in front of _you,_ which is just more fuel to the passionate fire that is my love for you-

"I am fine," he said instead. 

"Ferdinand, you look-" 

"I said I am fine, okay?" But Goddess, did he appreciate that Hubert said his name again. So did his cock. 

"Are you sure? You look a little flushed there, Ferdie." Dorothea. Someone else. No, stop-

"Oh, my! Are you coming down with a fever?" No, but he sure is sick of your voice, Mercedes (it's fine, he'll apologize later).

"N-no, please, I assure you, everything is fine. If I look flushed… it is… because Hubert has gotten under my skin-" and my pants- "-once again. But this is… this is just what we do." 

"Hmph. You say that a little too proudly-" There was a sudden pause to Hubert's sentence. Ferdinand didn't miss how he glanced away from him for a second before his eyes fell on him again, but there was a different glint in his gaze. "...Well, I suppose everything you do carries a certain amount of _pride_ , doesn't it? Little noble Ferdinand…" 

"D-Do not call me that-" Ferdinand protested meekly, like that didn't make him fasten the strokes of his hands. 

"Always _so_ dedicated to making himself a picture of perfection." 

"I would not put it that way-" but you should continue to do so. 

"Frankly, I don't _understand_ why you _insist_ on holding yourself to **_such_** high regard! You'll find it much better if you start to humanize yourself, Ferdinand. Who knows…" Hubert's voice dropped, a smirk appeared on his lips, and the smooth tones of his whispers resonated. "Perhaps _then…_ you'll find that things you thought unreachable were not so far away from your grasp." 

Ferdinand came. He was done. He stained his pants, but he couldn't hold back, not anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> You can yell at me @R0MBARA on twitter if you want.


End file.
